Magisculpt, it’s right there in the name…
… But I just didn’t see it. All I wanted was a simple swimsuit to go swimming in.
It all came about one day in the summer, you remember that day where it was torrential rain, drains over flowing and water gushing up on to the pavement? Well me and Husbandface decided that the best thing to do would be to go swimming. It was lovely, I really felt that I’d got my body moving and I do love a good old bob in the water. Well I “made do” with the most suitable swim suit I had, which was a cute tankini. However it didn’t feel like the right kind of swimsuit for the local baths, it was too “holiday.” So I decided as soon as I got home to order a nice swimsuit. However this was NOT an easy task, not because there was not enough in the way of lovely designs, colours etc. BUT virtually EVERY. SINGLE. ONE. was a suck-you-in, “lose-an-inch”, body “sculpting” or some other terrifying sounding contraption. I didn’t need to lose an inch, I just wanted to go swimming.
I pressed on and ordered what I thought looked like nice, solid swimwear, that wouldn’t allow my breasticles to escape in the water. Each one costing around £35/40 I ordered 3 for choice.
Trying them on, easier said than done!
They arrived a few days later and I was really excited, I felt like it was the start of me getting my confidence back to go swimming regularly (if you recall, it was a swimsuit affair that sent me over the edge in 2012 and I was worried I was back there). I waited until I had a shower and then got those bad boys out.
Swimsuit#1 & 2
The first I ordered was a nautical style design and super cute. I struggled into it but persevered. I realised very quickly that, as cute as it was, it was too booby for the local pool, I might give some old chap a heart attack during his weekly swim! I struggled back out if it, I was starting to pant and wheeze a little.
The second, a simple, stylish black cozzie with a rouched front. Looked perfect. This was when, on the wrapper, I noticed the name “Magisculpt” and “lose up to an inch”. I pulled the swimsuit up to my knees. And there it stayed. I pulled and inched it up my thighs. It had to fit. Surely!? I’d even sized up. Maybe I’m just a bit too hot and bothered? I persevered and slowly stuffed my body into the swimsuit. It was like wearing a truss. Beautiful, but far too much sucking in for my liking. By now, I’m utterly breathless, aching and I’m not going to lie, a bit fucking annoyed. I go and show Husbandface. He agrees it looks good, but he can see I’m uncomfortable. I explain how hard it was to get on. He points out, that if it’s hard to get on, imagine getting it off wet. So I decided it wasn’t for me. I struggled getting the fucking thing off and had a little yell at its crumpled form on the floor.
The final cozzie…
Swimsuit #3 another black cozzie but with a jaunty blue print. I got it to my knees and quickly realised that I was going to be in another swimsuit wrangling incident and promptly gave up. But not before I felt a pain in my hand as I gave it its last tug up. But, as I was distracted by my utter fury at not getting a simple swimsuit, I paid it no heed.
I looked around Asda, Matalan and quite a few other places and either it was too beachy or it was hidden shapewear swimwear. I spoke to other ladies in my secret girl gang and they all agreed that they also struggle to find non shapewear swimming garb. I just couldn’t imagine trying to nip to the loo in these torture contraptions. I realised that going two piece was the way to go and found a simple black tankini top.
However, my thumb was getting harder and harder to bend, and when I tried it resulted in searing pain. A week later it was no better, I was struggling to draw and I was freaking out. I relented and went to the doctor. As l told the story, Doc laughed, especially when I said “Seriously Doc, every time I try and exercise I just end up injured!” I was so frightened I’d actually fractured it, but Doc reassured me it was a severe sprain and I just needed it strapped up.
So, ironically, I ended up wearing a neoprene thumb strap, with hidden supports in!
So, take this as a tale of caution, any product that tells you to be “patient whilst trying it on”, may result in injury. (Yes, it actually said that on the website!!!)
By the way, did I tell you…? You never should have to injure yourself for societies sake. You are perfect as you are.