Chucking in the Towel (or swimsuit)

Hoardy McHoarderson (part 2)

We’ve already established that I’m proper Hoardy McHoarderson, so it won’t come as a surprise to people, that I am a dreadful clothes hoarder. I keep things that old, sentimental, could be used for “dressing up” and the ultimate one… Things that do not fit me, for whatever reason. Things I’ve bought and thought “I’ll slim in to that, it’ll be an incentive” (it wasn’t). Things I’ve bought worn and thought “bugger, I’m not confident enough to wear that, I’ll slim into that, it’ll be an incentive” (it wasn’t). Things I’ve unfortunately grown out of, but I’ve kept because “I’ll slim into that…” You know where I’m going with this right? These clothes being a badge for my self-perceived failures, a reminder that I haven’t made it, that I’m still fat and I’ve let myself down. By not making my body small enough to fit into these holy grails of fashion, abandoned in my wardrobe and drawers, I was letting the clothes down and fulfilling their true purpose.

I was having a tidy up yesterday, in fact I was putting away the mountain of washing we’d accrued throughout the week. It’s a thankless task and one of my least favourites, I’d go as far as to say I loathe doing it. Now there are a couple of reasons for this:

1. I am messy by nature and therefore the clothes already in my drawer are not exactly folded neatly, because I’m a rummager.

2. I have a small shopping addiction and therefore have ALL the clothes, this coupled with my hoarding makes putting clothes away more like a challenge on the Krypton Factor.

3. It’s just fucking boring innit.

So yesterday in my bid to make our bedroom inhabitable again, I put away the washing, I mean PROPERLY. Not just stuffing it in and hoping no one will find out my dirty little secret. I tidied what was in there first and then placed my nicely folded washing on top. In my pyjama drawers (yes I have two…. Please refer to point no. 2 above…), I found a swimsuit, one I’d kept apart from all the others. The reason being, it didn’t fit. I bought it in Boots because it was too cute, but I was probably the top end of a size 16, closer to an 18, and it was on the small side. Not only that the legs were quite high and that’s not for me, I’m not comfortable with that. So away it went in my drawer with the invisible label of “to be slimmed into” attached to it. Now, it’s a pretty design, red polka dots (my favourite) and when I bought it, it was fairly rare. Everything was lairy prints and bold colours. I loved it the minute I saw it and couldn’t let it go, despite it not being right for me, which sounds suspiciously like some of my past relationships!

So I decided it was time to give it up. Not because I am giving up on myself, but the polar opposite. I need to let go of the things that just aren’t right for me anymore, like I did with Slimming World and like I’ve done with the scales. I’m not chucking in the towel, I’m just chucking out some clothes. Those clothes that secretly taunt me, those clothes that make me feel not good enough, those clothes that are a badge for my self-perceived failures. I am going to clear out and sell them or give them away. These clothes that are hidden away don’t get to define me, it’s the other myriad of beautiful garments and accessories that fit me, complement me and make me feel beautiful are the ones that get to do that!

So my lovelies, it’s time for a clear out for the sake of our mental health!

By the way, did I tell you…? You do not need an incentive, you are wonderful just as you are! Xxx

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