My Body Positive Paradox

 

I love bodies, all shapes, sizes, abilities and ethnicities but I just can’t completely love my own. The whole point of my journey is to try to not only love myself and live my best life, but maybe, just maybe, help someone else along the way.

Anyway, this week I ordered a load of beautiful bikinis, bikinis I intend to rock on a lovely beach holiday later in the year. I tried on the bikinis this week and I was more than a little surprised by my reaction. For all this BoPo work I’ve been doing and how much I’ve been celebrating everyone else’s bodies, I HATED the reflection in the mirror. I felt ashamed and disappointed. I haven’t weighed myself in weeks, I’m not dieting and I have no idea if I’ve piled loads of weight on, but I felt a crushing feeling of despair and panic. It was like someone flipped a switch and my BoPo values just turned off.

Well today I popped them on again and did what I do when I feel uneasy… challenge myself to take some pictures. As per usual these are offered up to my Secret Girl Gang for perusal and, dare I admit it, approval. This is my paradox… If anyone had posted these pictures I’d be all over them, congratulating them and championing their bodies no matter what shape or size. But despite not seeing my face in the pictures, I’m struggling to do the same for myself. My immediate reaction was to tell myself I needed to lose weight. I wouldn’t dream of telling another living soul they needed to lose or gain weight or change their bodies in order to wear an item of clothing. I almost feel guilty for having these feelings about myself, surely I need to be able to look through the same eyes that I use for other people?

Summer is coming and there’s nothing I can do to stop it. So I need to try and reframe my thinking, refresh the BoPoness and be much kinder to myself.

Another issue… I have bought ALL the bikinis, is it weird to have a different one for every day??!! I’ve bought the damn things and I need to parade around like I own the damn place! Ohhhh, AND I bought a pair of ‘Jem’ star earrings. I’m going to wear them and be.. ‘Truly, truly, truly outrageous!’……

By the way, did I tell you how much strength you ladies give me? You are my ‘Synergy’, and can be truly outrageous too!…❤❤❤

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