Today I’m struggling. Like wrestling with a bear or alligator or a pair of freshly washed levi’s a la 1990. I’m having a bump in my road to positivity. It’s not my first and I’m sure it certainly won’t be my last.
I’ve had two weeks of boozing and Easter Eggs. And despite saying I was going to eat them in a gloriously decadent fashion in my pants, it didn’t happen. I tentatively smashed up one of my four Easter Eggs and chomped half and put it back in the fridge. Then the next day I opened the fridge to find my cold, smashed up egg. I shoved that beautiful bastard into my gob only to have it cut the roof of my mouth so badly I bled for 15 minutes and couldn’t really enjoy food for another 2 days!!! My brain said “see… You shouldn’t have eaten that. That’s what you get for being a piggy”. And that part of my brain needs to do one.
I’m back at school and into a more normal pattern of eating. Well I say “normal” but I’m grabbing what I can, where I can. But next week I will be better…. Now this is where I am falling down. YES I need to cut down on the mid-week chardonnay, BUT what did I do wrong? I ate 3 “square meals” a day and I ate some chocolate. I hate that 30 years of “right and wrong” still bites me in my pooky little arse. But next week less booze and more water, and I know I’ll feel better for it.
I am negating the very thing I was so proud of, I’d worked hard to say Fuck You to beauty standards, and here I am tonight feeling shit. Like PROPER shit.
Tomorrow will be a new day. I’m sure Husbandface will do or say something unsolicited that will change my mind and I’ll go “Fuck yes! I’m BRILLIANT” .
It’s not an easy journey and it will always have its peaks and troughs. But bear with me. WE CAN DO THIS.
By the way did I tell you… I struggle too???